There's Beauty in the Breakdown

Dear Cancer

Nothing in life evokes such passionate hate in me other than you. You have taken far too many people I love from me and you continue to plague the lives of the people I love today. Over the years you have caused immeasurable amounts of damage to my family and I - emotionally, physically and spiritually. Enough is enough. July 14th is the day I, and many others, take a stand against you.

You silently crept into my life in 1996 when you took up residence in my Bapuji’s (Grandfather’s) body and took his dear life from me. I didn’t fully understand you then and I certainly underestimated your power. As the years went on you continued to latch onto different family members, all of whom were able to keep you under control. You didn’t like that very much, did you? In 2008 you made your presence loud and clear and took control of my Mum’s life. My beautiful, vibrant, kind, pure and selfless Mum. Within 6 months, your pure evil form took her from me and that’s when the war between us began. I will never forgive you for the way you made yourself at home somewhere you did not belong, for the way you broke her down and for the way you have changed all of our lives forever. Because of you there is so much of my future that has just been erased - so many conversations and moments I’ll never get to have or share with her. A whole generation of Sharma’s will never even get the chance to grow up with her unconditional love.

Just when I thought you could hurt me no more, you took the life of my Nanima (Grandmother) in 2011 and have turned the world of someone I love upside down this year. Just hearing your name makes me want to scream. You are not welcome in my family anymore and I refuse to let you take anyone else from me. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!

With heartfelt vendetta,
Kalpita

(Source: raceforlifesponsorme.org)

Insomnia

Death is a curious thing;
It happens to everyone and yet everyone
Is afraid of it
This thing that we do not know about
This question that we cannot answer
Perhaps it is better that way, being unanswerable
Many would not be able to take the strain of knowing
Feeling in their beds whilst trying to sleep the
ticking of clocks
And the dawning of each new day,
Each new day closer to the last
When the breath runs out and the heart stops beating
and the clocks stop ticking and there is interminable

Most Active Second of my Life

Those minutes where I am alone, just me and my pillow. I think. A lot.

I think about everything, anything. It varies from “What am I doing with my life?” to “Did I reply to that email?” The room is so silent, but my mind is so loud. It drives me crazy because the things I would never think about, I think about. Sometimes, I hate it because it brings up things I rather never think about again.

The split second before sleep is the most active second of my life.